Ford and Zaphod Save the World: Part One
by nothing day
Summary: The Earth is in danger. In a completely out-of-character moment, Ford and Zaphod decide to lend a hand and protect it. But will they succeed?
1. Chapter Zero

**Ford and Zaphod Save the World: Part One**

**The Introduction**

**Author's Note: So, this is my first story here. Read and review, please. Actually you don't really need to review this, but it would be nice.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or The Hunger Games.**

A car collided with the base of the mountain. Andy and his brother Martin got out of the car. Andy walked to the front of the car, and there was a huge dent in it.  
>The headlights were smashed and antifreeze was leaking from the engine and infecting the surrounding area with its blueness.<br>Andy moaned. He ran a hand through his thick blond hair and swore in frustration. Martin stepped into view. "I told you not to take the car here two days after you got your driver's licence."  
>"No, you didn't!" Andy said. "This was all your fault! I blame you! Idiot!" His eyes bulged angrily.<br>"Well, whatever." Martin rolled his eyes and leaned back against the crumpled hood of the car."At least I have a life. All you ever do is complain and try to drive places all day."  
>The argument quickly escalated into a fistfight. Within minutes, both Andy and Martin were covered in scratches and bruises. As they continued fighting, they didn't see what was happening: Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan was hovering above them. Now a ghost, he didn't need to walk: he could float!<br>However, Ronald Reagan was not just floating a hundred feet above the ground. He was plotting Andy and Martin's deaths!  
>Ronald Reagan made the final adjustments to his latest invention: The Evil Death Ray of Evil. He focused the laser on Andy and Martin and started the countdown. A robotic voice said, "T minus 60 seconds." The dead president took a moment from fiddling with his Evil Death Ray of Evil to evilly laugh.<p>

**The end of the introduction! That was really short.**


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

**A/N: This part will be way longer than the last one, I promise. **

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or The Hunger Games.**

Meanwhile, on the starship Deus Ex Machina, Ford Prefect wasn`t sleeping. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. He took a glance at the nearby alarm clock. 3:42 A.M., it said.  
>He got up and wandered around the corridors of the starship. He got to the ship's bridge and saw his semi-half-cousin Zaphod Beeblebrox slouched on a hoverchair.<br>"Hey." Ford said. He flopped onto a nearby couch.  
>"Mmm." Zaphod mumbled. He frowned and too another sip of his Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.<br>"So, you couldn't fall asleep either?" Ford asked.  
>Zaphod finally answered. "Yeah. I just have this feeling. Like, like I should... be somewhere else, man."<br>"I know." Ford said. "By the way, your other head is falling asleep.  
>"Oh. Thanks." Zaphod poked his other head. It mumbled something and slapped his hand away. He decided to stop bugging it. "Hey, you ever hear of a guy named Ronald Reagan?"<br>"I'll look it up." Ford took out his copy of that wholly remarkable book, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, and typed "Reagan, Ronald".  
>"Updating entry." the Guide said in a robotic voice.<br>"Ugh." Ford said. He tapped the Guide's screen repeatedly until it fixed itself. Then he scrolled through the entry, reading some relevant parts out loud.  
>"Ronald Reagan was a president of the United States." Ford announced.<br>"ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?" Zaphod asked "Yep."  
>"Cool."<br>"He's pretty famous. He died but he's a ghost. And he invented an Evil Death Ray of Evil."  
>"Evil Death Ray of..." Both of Zaphod's heads started wide awake. He sat bolt upright. "Dude, we gotta get to ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha NOW!"<br>"Huh? Why?" Ford asked, shocked by Zaphod's sudden lack of apathy.  
>"This Reagan guy, he has this Evil Death Ray of Evil! If he kills someone, he could totally mess up the space-time continuum! We gotta do something, man!" Zaphod had worked himself into near hysteria.<br>"Yeah," Ford said, "but Zaph, since when do you care about the space-time continuum?"  
>"Since now!" Zaphod yelled. "I just know that this Reagan guy is totally the reason the Vogons have been destroying the Earth! If we get there in time, maybe we can save it! Because, y'know..." Zaphod trailed off. "Yeah?" Ford asked.<br>"Because, I kinda feel bad for Arthur." Zaphod said quietly.  
>Ford stared at Zaphod with wide eyes "You WHAT?"<br>"Feel bad for Arthur." Zaphod muttered.  
>Ford's mind was reeling. You could practically hear the neurons firing as he tried to comprehend this fresh madness.<br>"I...I think I can understand that." Ford said, much to his own and Zaphod's surprise.  
>"So."<br>"So."  
>"To kill Ronald Reagan," Zaphod said, "we'll need to get some of my friends to help. Get some paper."<br>Ford obediently got a piece of paper and a pencil. He looked up at Zaphod .  
>"Okay." Zaphod said. "We're going to need Katniss Everdeen. Peeta Mellark, and Haymitch Abernathy. They live in the Earth year 3028."<br>Ford wrote it down.  
>"And... Judge Judy and Stephen Hawking, from the Earth year 2011."<br>Ford wrote it down too.  
>"And... that's it . We'll totally be able to take down Reagan with these guys! He'll never know what hit him! Sucka!" Zaphod laughed.<br>"Yeah!" Ford was catching some of Zaphod's enthusiasm.  
>"Hi five!"<br>Ford and Zaphod hi-fiv ed about five hundred times. Ford ran off to start the ship, and Zaphod randomly started dancing.  
>Two hours later, the Deus Ex Machina pulled up to the insignifigant little blue-green planet in ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.<br>"This is 3028, right?" Zaphod asked.  
>"Yep."<br>"Wow." Zaphod breathed. "I wasn't expecting it to look so.. normal."  
>For someone born on Betelgeuse 5, Zaphod had adjusted remarkably well to living like a normal extreterrestrial being. But he never really got how everyone else didn't live on a planet with a controlling totalitarian government that manipulated the people and tricked them into serving it. In this particular future, the government was controlling and totalitarian, as well as manipulating its very weird inhabitants. Zaphod liked it there. A lot.<br>The Deus Ex Machina came to a stop and gently bumped against the ground. It coincidentally happened to land right in the middle of the Capitol, which was the exact center of the controlling totalitarian government. Exited people swarmed around the huge starship.  
>Zaphod Beeblebrox walked down the ramp that had dropped from the Deus Ex Machina. He flashed two huge grins at the crowd. "Hey!" he yelled. The crowd was going nuts at this point, and Zaphod stopped every couple of yards to shoot random people with finger guns.<br>Ford Prefect followed him more cautiously, clutching his towel in one hand and the Guide in the other. He had never been as much of a people person. They reached the bottom of the ramp. A small white-haired man with an expensive suit was waiting for them.  
>"Hey, it's President Snow!" Zaphod said. "Up high, Prezzy!"<br>"Beeblebrox." President Snow said with disdain. The two had obviously met before.  
>Zaphod shook his hand around awkwardly. However, the President didn't respond, instead giving Zaphod a cold contemptuous glare.<br>"Hey, what gives, man?" Zaphod said.  
>"Halt with the pleasantries" said President Snow, "and tell me why you are here, Beeblebrox."<br>Zaphod wondered if "pleasantries" was actually a word. "Whatever." he laughed. "I wanna see Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, 'kay?"  
>"No." President Snow sniffed.<br>"Hey, why?" Zaphod was startled.  
>"Because I said so." President Snow said.<br>"Hey, you can't do that!" Zaphod cried.  
>"Why?"<br>"Because, like, I was the President of the Galaxy, so I'm like 50 thousand times awesomer than you, and you have to do whatever I say!" Zaphod managed to spit out.  
>President Snow snickered. Zaphod frowned in bemusement.<br>"Zaph, did you forget to take your pills this morning?" Ford muttered.  
>"What pills?" Zaphod muttered back.<br>"You... never mind. Just, lemme handle this, okay?"  
>"Yeah." Zaphod said. He stepped back to let Ford address President Snow.<br>"Look." Ford said dramatically. "We have this giant spaceship here, with a lot of weapons, so if you don't let us see those guys we might just destroy you puny Earthlings completely."  
>This had the intended effect upon President Snow, who blanched whiter than his namesake. "Yes... They're in the Victor's Village in District 12... sir."<br>As Ford and Zaphod stepped back into the Deus Ex Machina, Zaphod said "I didn't know we had weapons."  
>"We don't." Ford said. "I was bluffing."<br>"Wow." Zaphod marveled. "Man, you are good!"  
>"It takes practice" Ford admitted. At District 12, the Deus Ex Machina landed in the Victor's Village. Ford and Zaphod got out and saw Katniss Everdeen sitting on the front porch of one of the houses.<br>Ford awkwardly walked up to her. "Hey" he said, "is somebody in charge here?"  
>"Yeah." Katniss said.<br>Nobody said anything for a moment.  
>"Uh, yeah. And, who is it?" Ford asked.<br>"Me." Katniss said.  
>"Oh." Ford oh'ed. "Um, we need you and Peeta and Haymitch to come with us and save the Universe."<br>Haymitch and Peeta randomly walked out of a house.  
>"Hi, Haymitch!" Zaphod said.<br>"Hello, Zaphod." Haymitch sighed.  
>"Can you come save the Universe?" Ford asked Haymitch.<br>"Huh." Haymitch pondered this for a second. "Well, I do like the Universe an awful lot... I guess if you can convince Katniss' and Peeta's families to let them go, we can come with you. But lemme tell you, that's never gonna happen."  
>"He's telling the truth, Zaph." Ford said. "These Earth people are mega-paranoid.<br>"Don't worry. I have a plan!" Zaphod whipped out his cellphone, dialed a number and whispered something into it. In a matter of minutes two Men in Black flew down in helicopters.  
>"What do you want, Zaphod?" Agent K asked.<br>"Could you do the flashy-thingy to Katniss and Peeta's families?"  
>"Yes, sir." Agent J said. The Men in Black got back into their helicopters and flew away.<br>"Hey.. you... you can't do that!" Haymitch stammered.  
>"Yes I can." Zaphod said smugly. "Come on, guys. Let's go."<br>"Okay." Peeta said. He started walking toward the Deus Ex Machina.  
>"No." Katniss said quietly.<br>"What?"  
>"I said no." she said a bit louder. "I'm staying right here."<br>"Why?" Zapod asked.  
>"Because, you are a complete idiot and I wouldn't be seen dead hanging around with you!" Katniss yelled.<br>"Well, what-eva!" Zaphod yelled back. He turned around and started sulking.  
>"Look, can you just come with us?" Ford asked.<br>"Katniss rubbed her face. "Maybe if Zaphod stopped bugging me. He's such a jerk."  
>Ford nodded knowingly. "Yeah, I know. But if you don't come with us, it could mean the end of your entire species."<br>"Okay." Katniss got up. "I've reached my decision."  
>Everybody watched her.<br>"I'm going with them."  
>Zaphod whooped. Haymitch groaned. Ford and Peeta just sort of stood there.<br>"Yeah!" Zaphod yelled. "Let's go!"  
>Ford, Zaphod, Katniss, Haymitch, and Peeta got onto the starship. There was a loud flash of light as it winked into non-existence.<p>

**A/N: So, what d'ya think so far? It would be really nice if you could review this chapter. The next one will probably come out in a bit, so keep your eyes peeled (*shudder* lovely bit of imagery there). Anywho, see you later!**


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